dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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