She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
