i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Randomize
