Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
