I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
