Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
