mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
