Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
