Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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