You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize