I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
