Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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