You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
