He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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