Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
