My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
