i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
