Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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