If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
