I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That accounts for only three of the penises
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize