We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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