maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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