I think my fart just growled at me.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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