We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
