i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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