My brain says no but my pants say off.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
