Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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