pedialite and red bull = repair kit
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
