I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
