My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
