A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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