I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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