That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
