suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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