omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
