Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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