There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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