So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
