Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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