to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
someone owes me an orgasm
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She bit a glass in half.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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