i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
