I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
