don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Of course I have a pirate flag
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
