then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
This is classic penis vs brain.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
