Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Two words: blizzard sex
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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