break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
