When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
