When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
