I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
