Screwed.edu
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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