I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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