just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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