I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
