so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
