Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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