Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
