i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
