i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
