Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
