rhymes with "ouble enetration"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
