dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
