i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize