I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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