You don't have asthma, your pregnant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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