Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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