You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
