so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
