He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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