I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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