I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
