Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
