ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
