You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize