M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
