She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
