i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
