he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
