Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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